there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
