Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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