I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
don't judge my taste in strippers
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
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