I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize