To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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