i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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