weddingsv make me drug and hornr
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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