he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
