oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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