R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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