The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
