Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize