Sponge bath it is.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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