I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
