you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
