i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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