you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
either way he was missing a nipple.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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