Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
