Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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