you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize