Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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