I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
