Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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