brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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