is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
