I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
