my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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