dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
