I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
