I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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