I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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