bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
