I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
