Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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