yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
