im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
