Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
