Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I AM VODKA MAN
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
