You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
