just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
