went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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