I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Barsexuality is the new black.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
