Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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