Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
