He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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