When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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