Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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