The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
