Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
