I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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