how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
