Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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