After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
