why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
