if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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