there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize