I cockslap morals
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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