I've blown a few things in my day
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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