Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I would ride that face into the sunset
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
