My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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