she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
