Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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