Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
