I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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