oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize