I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
