I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
