he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
