Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
