i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
