I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize