i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
